You know, the bar mitzvah of a son, or the bat mitzvah of a daughter, really does mark a turning point, and not only in the life of the thirteen-year-old, but also in the lives of the parents. I have genuinely enjoyed every "growth experience" during your first thirteen years, Eli--but thank God that's all over! Seriously, Mom and I are so happy, as we have told you many times, with the way that you are growing up. It's not that we expect you to reach full maturity overnight: we'll always be ready to keep offering advice, information, moral support, and encouragement. But the fact is you are gradually taking your life in your own hands: more and more, you are making your own decisions, gathering facts needed to make those decisions, carrying them out, and accepting their consequences. In other words, you have already shown that you are very capable of taking on responsibility and getting the job done, and we like the way you are doing that.
Mom and I enjoy your company as a young man. We loved you, of course, when you were a child, but now that chapter has come to an end, and we love you even more now that you have ideas of your own, duties and skills of your own, and your own distinctive brand of humor and insight.
So we welcome you, son, as a friend and companion in our family. You know that you can always count on Mom and me, but it's a pleasure to see you standing on your own two feet, becoming less and less our "dependent." It's very satisfying to see you taking charge--taking charge of your religion, your social world, your studies, and your pastimes (especially those syncopated Scott Joplin rags). God watch over you in all that you do, as you grow into a fine young man.
Len's Comments at Luncheon
We've just had a multi-cultural Bar Mitzvah, and now a multi-cultural lunch. First, I'd like to read from the letters to Eli sent by two English friends. Without these two ladies, Shaoping and I would not have met, and Eli would not be here today. Elisabeth Hallett remembers our friendship in China:
"Perhaps your mother has told you that she and I were close friends 20 years ago in Hunan, where I was teaching and she was a postgraduate student--she was always very strong-willed and outspoken. [Comment by Len: "I'll vouch for that!"] And that's one reason we got on so well! I got to know your dad later in Beijing, and as I'm sure you know, it was through my good friend Phyl, who now lives in Oxford, that your parents met each other. You will discover that life is made up of many curious chances and coincidences. Imagine, if I had never gone to Hunan . . . !"
And here a line from Phyl's letter, a memory of Eli during our visit to Oxford: "This is amazing: I still see the little boy running down the steps of Oxford Railway Station saying, 'have you missed me?' "